If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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