if you like me you must not know who I am
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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