I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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