someone threw a dead crab at me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
