In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
