my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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