I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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