i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
