you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
