I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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