I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
