so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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