Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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