Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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