And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
