on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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