He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
