My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
