I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
