All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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