i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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