i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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