Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize