I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
