Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
