So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
