Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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