my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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