you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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