I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
