Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
