Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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