Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
