I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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