Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
