I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
