I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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