if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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