They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
