Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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