Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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