Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
