He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
