I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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