i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
