I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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