So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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