Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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