Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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