Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
