Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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