I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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