my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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