I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
