i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
