you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
