i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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