Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
