I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i think my cat just said my name.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
