Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
