i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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