Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
