It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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