That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize