We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
